Every Sunday, our goal is to have an environment where kids feel safe, loved, and welcomed. But what happens when a child walks through your doors carrying some heavy negative emotions mixed with sinful behaviors? The experience you prepared for can turn from a joyful environment into a place where kids experience bullying.

Bullying is deliberate or intentional behavior using words or actions that are intended to cause fear, intimidation, or harm. It includes aggressive and hostile behavior that is intentional and involves an imbalance of power between the bully and the bullied, and is behavior that is repeated over time rather than in isolated incidents. (Appleton Area School District)

How can the church handle bullying differently from the world?

• Be proactive and teach the Word of God effectively in your classroom every week. Explain what sin is, and share the Gospel so the Holy Spirit can move in the lives of your kids.

• Pray over your classroom before Sunday, asking God to prepare and soften the hearts of the students before they walk through the doors, so they are ready to hear about the hope and healing found in Jesus.

• Pray specifically for the student who was bullied and the student who is the bully throughout the week by name. There is usually deep hurt brewing in both lives.

• Care for the child who was bullied. Hurtful words and behaviors can leave lasting emotional scars. Let them know they are deeply valued, both by you and by God (Eph. 2:10; Psalm 139:14). Give them opportunities to share how they are feeling, and listen with compassion. Assure them that the words spoken were not true and were very unkind. Pray specifically for the child.

• Look at the heart. Pull the child who is causing the issue aside and calmly ask, “What’s really going on?” Take time to genuinely listen. After hearing the child say, “This is what I heard you say,” and repeat key points so they know they were heard. Then share a verse that can encourage them and pray with them. Remember, for many kids, they have never had an adult pray specifically over them.

• Talk with the child about how their behavior may be affecting or hurting others. If an apology is needed, give them the choice to return and apologize or remain in the hallway to continue the conversation with you. This approach requires having a volunteer who is ready and flexible to step in when situations like this arise. Meeting one-on-one is not meant to be a punishment, but an opportunity to redirect after a meaningful spiritual conversation.

• Have the Director or Pastor talk to the parent and clearly explain what happened. Ask if anything is happening at school or home that you can help with. Usually, this will help unpack the deeper issue. If needed and possible, have the parent attend the following week with the child.

Practical Tips

• If a child is deliberately hurting another child, stop the behavior immediately, remove them from the classroom, or separate children from the bully and have a plan for next steps. Never be afraid to call for help.

• The majority of the time bullying takes place during unstructured time. Keep a tight and intentional schedule from the moment kids walk in until the moment they walk out the door.

• Have a complete team of volunteers that includes both men and women.

• Be proactive and train students what your specific expectations are in the classroom. Set guidelines with an action plan if rules are not followed. All students need to feel safe in class.

• Create a position of a “Success Coach” for repeat behaviors. This short-term volunteer position is used to help a student create a positive pattern of behavior.

• If the student repeatedly bullies, make sure they are assigned one-on-one experienced leader each week, have a parent attend with them, or give them a week or two off prior to coming back.

• If this is a regular occurrence, please do not hide the situation. Inform staff who can direct the family to professional counseling or assistance.

Kris Smoll is the founder and Executive Director of Discovery Land Global. She graduated from Moody Bible Institute and has led child discipleship at Alliance Church in Appleton, Wisconsin, for over 30 years. She is an international speaker, strategic planner, and consultant. She is passionate about kids knowing the Word of God, boldly sharing their faith, and confidently living their lives for Christ.