A few weeks ago, something happened in our kids ministry that shook me to my core.

A group of older boys — my 4th–6th graders — ganged up on another boy. They called him names. They made him feel small. They made him feel unwanted.

And that child walked out of church crying his eyes out.

The place that is supposed to feel the safest.
The place that is supposed to be full of love.
The place that is supposed to reflect Jesus.

…didn’t feel that way to him.

As a kid’s pastor, that moment hurt deeply. Because if kids don’t feel safe in the house of God, then something has to change — immediately.

Taking It Seriously

Before reacting, I gathered information. I spoke with the classroom teacher. I talked with parents. Then I sat with students in the room to understand what had really been happening.

Bullying is rarely just a single moment. It’s usually a sign of a deeper cultural issue — something that has been allowed, ignored, or misunderstood. So, I listened carefully. I took notes. And then I acted.

Addressing It Head-On
The following weekend, I walked into that classroom and became the “principal.”

I spoke clearly and firmly, but with love.

I reminded them that this is the Lord’s house.
That we do not bully here.
That it is okay not to be best friends with everyone — but it is never okay to be unkind.
That you can choose kindness even when you don’t choose friendship.

We talked about how words carry weight. How laughter at someone else’s expense is not harmless. How every child in that room was created by God and deserves dignity and respect.

They needed boundaries.
They needed truth.
And they needed to understand that love is not optional in God’s house.

Making It Right
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After addressing the class, I met individually with the students involved. There were tears. There were sincere apologies. There were hard conversations about empathy, responsibility, and consequences.

Then I followed up with the child who had been hurt and his family. They needed to know this was taken seriously. They needed reassurance that steps were in place to protect him and restore safety.

Because accountability without restoration isn’t the gospel. And discipline without care doesn’t heal anything.

Preventing Bullying in Kids Ministry
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Here are a few guardrails every kids ministry should have in place:
1. Set the Culture Early
Talk about kindness, inclusion, and respect often — not just when something goes wrong. Make it part of your ministry’s DNA.
2. Train Leaders to Watch the Room
Bullying isn’t always loud. Sometimes it’s whispered. Sometimes it’s exclusion. Sometimes it’s what happens when an adult isn’t watching closely. Train your team to notice the quiet moments.
3. Create Safe Ways for Kids to Speak Up
Kids need to know, “If something doesn’t feel right, I can tell someone.” And when they do — believe them.
4. Respond Immediately
Delayed action communicates permission. Swift, loving action communicates protection.
5. Partner With Parents
We are not raising these kids alone. Invite parents into the process with humility, clarity, and shared responsibility.
6. Model What We Expect
How we speak. How we correct. How we show grace.
Kids are always watching.

The Bigger Picture
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Kids don’t remember our lesson outlines.
They remember how they felt in the room.

If church feels unsafe, they stop listening to everything else we say about Jesus.

Our responsibility as kids ministry leaders is not just to teach Scripture — it is to protect hearts while we do it.

Bullying has no place in kids ministry.

Not on our watch.
Not in God’s house.

And when it tries to sneak in, we face it — with courage, compassion, and conviction.
Because every child deserves to walk out of church knowing:
I belong here.
I am loved here.
I am safe here.
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And we will not settle for anything less.

Sarah Petrokovich is the Children's Ministry Director at River Church in Alton, IL. Married to an amazing man, Joe, they are the proud parents to two wonderful adult children, Halee and Daniel. Sarah has been dedicated to serving in Kids Ministry since her teenage years. Her passion for nurturing children's spiritual growth and creating engaging, faith-filled experiences has been a cornerstone of her ministry work. She also invests in developing other kids' ministry leaders, pouring into them with guidance and support to strengthen their ability to positively impact young lives.