One of the most common mistakes I have made as a Kids Pastor goes like this:

I recruit someone. I invite them in. We do an outstanding orientation with an awesome handbook. I feel great about our values and policies. I might even go the extra mile with a strong first Sunday, a room walkthrough, a team leader meet-and-greet, and a “you are set up to win” kind of launch.

And then I quietly assume they are good to go for the rest of their time serving.

Meanwhile, real life hits. A few fires pop up. A few messes need attention. The squeaky wheels get the oil. And the volunteers who are faithfully showing up get very little ongoing development, support, or encouragement. I have learned I cannot rely on quarterly trainings that, if we are lucky, 40% of the team attends.

What changed everything for me was prioritizing regular coaching conversations with a shared language framework. If you ask 100 leaders what “coaching” means, you will get 100 different answers. A framework keeps coaching aligned to your values, not your mood, preferences, or whoever is currently driving you nuts.

Here’s the simple win: a true “win” on a Sunday is when your ministry values are amplified. Therefore, your coaching framework should translate your values into visible, coachable behaviors.

Step 1: Pick a shared language (I use an acronym: GRACE)

I love using a simple values framework called GRACE because it is memorable and specific.

• Gospel-centered teaching: always point kids to Jesus through lessons, activities, and interactions
• Relationships: build consistent, meaningful connections with kids, parents, and teammates
• Attentiveness: stay observant and responsive to create a safe, inclusive environment
• Consistency: show up regularly, prepared, and committed to building trust
• Engagement: make learning fun, interactive, and age-appropriate

That is it. Five lanes. When coaching is anchored to shared language, it stops feeling like opinion and starts feeling like alignment.

Step 2: Coach weekly in micro-moments

Coaching does not have to be a big sit-down meeting. Don’t wait until something blows up. The best coaching is often 90 seconds in a hallway, right after service.

My go-to line with volunteers is: “Here are two things you did awesome today, and here’s one thing that will make it even better next time.”

That keeps it encouraging, specific, and future-focused. It also builds trust because volunteers know you are paying attention and you are for them.

To make it easy, tie your “2 and 1” to your coaching framework:

• “Your engagement was awesome when you got on their level and asked questions.”
• “Your relationships are growing because you greeted every kid by name.”
• “One thing for next week: attentiveness. Let’s watch that one corner where kids start to drift.”

Step 3: Adopt a coach mindset, not a critic mindset

A lot of Kids Pastors hesitate to coach because “they’re just volunteers.”

I get it. Volunteers already feel vulnerable. Praying out loud, leading kids, managing behavior, teaching a lesson when you do not feel qualified—that takes guts.

But here is the flip side: coaching is the gift of helping someone do it better. That leads to confidence, fruit, and long-term retention.

Honestly, one of the most burnout-inducing experiences for a volunteer is feeling stuck in a room with no tools. They bang their head against the wall until they quit in six months. Coaching prevents that.

Step 4: Use laser-focused coaching skills that work in KidMin

One of my favorite coaching books is The HeART of Laser-Focused Coaching by Marion Franklin. The ideas translate really well to volunteers because they keep coaching human and non-weird.

Here are a few that I use constantly when I’m hearing from volunteers about a challenge they’re facing:

1. Hold two questions in your mind

a. “Why are they telling me this?”
b. “What is making this a problem for them?”

If a volunteer says, “That room is chaotic,” the real need might be confidence, clarity, or permission to lead.

2. Stay present and neutral

Go in as a blank slate. No agenda. No performing. Your calm presence builds trust.

3. Ask more “what” questions than “why”

a. “What felt hardest about that moment?”
b. “What do you think the kids needed right then?”
c. “What would you try next time?”

4. Use silence

Let the moment breathe. People discover their own next step when you do not rush to fill the gap.

Step 5: Run a simple coaching loop

Here’s a practical loop you can use every week:

1. Observe one GRACE moment during service
2. Encourage two specifics tied to GRACE
3. Coach one next step tied to GRACE
4. Ask one “what” question to help them own it
5. End with a champion line: “I see you growing. This matters.”

If you do this consistently, your team will feel cared for, your culture will strengthen, and your values will become visible on Sundays.

Anthony Hunt is a Kids Pastor, ministry systems nerd, and author of The AI-Powered Church. He serves as the NextGen Pastor at Mercy Road Church in Indiana, where he leads a thriving multi-church team of staff and volunteers across kids, student, and young adult ministries. Known for his humor, practical tools, and deep love for equipping the Church, Anthony brings over a decade of experience to the ever-evolving world of children’s ministry. When he’s not creating training content or testing out new ministry ideas, you’ll find him chasing his six kids, learning to play ice hockey, or building LEGO with his dog underfoot.