Wednesday, February 05, 2025
Disappointment is one of life’s unavoidable realities. For children, it might show up when they don’t get picked for a team, when a game doesn’t go their way, or when their expectations aren’t met. While these moments can seem small to us as adults, they can feel overwhelming to kids. Disappointment has the power to derail emotions and leave kids feeling defeated—unless we teach them how to handle it well.
Helping kids process disappointment is a vital part of their emotional and spiritual development. Whether it’s during a Sunday school activity or a conversation after an emotional outburst, moments of disappointment offer powerful opportunities to teach kids to trust God, show gratitude, and become emotionally flexible.
While disappointment can feel uncomfortable, it’s actually a valuable tool for growth. When children encounter disappointment, they’re faced with a choice: to dwell on their unmet expectations or to move forward with resilience and trust in God. These moments help kids build character, teaching them that they can adapt when things don’t go as planned.
Faith-Based Strategies for Teaching Kids to Handle Disappointment
1. When Emotions Flare
Kids need to know it’s okay to feel sad, frustrated, or even angry when things don’t go their way. By acknowledging these emotions, they begin to process them rather than suppress them. However, how they process them is very important. Most children need either comfort in the moment or a chance to separate from the rest of the activity and settle down.
For example, during a group activity, if a child becomes upset about losing a game, you might take a moment to acknowledge the frustration:
"I can see that you’re feeling disappointed. That’s a normal feeling when things don’t go the way you hoped."
This simple act validates their experience and opens the door for deeper conversations about how to handle those feelings.
2. Teaching Kids to See the Bigger Picture Through God’s Promises
Disappointment can feel all-consuming for kids, but faith gives us the perspective to see beyond the immediate situation. Teaching children to focus on God’s promises helps them reframe their perspective and trust that God has a bigger plan for their lives.
One practical way to do this is to pair moments of disappointment with Scripture. For example, share Jeremiah 29:11:
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
When kids learn to see disappointment as part of God’s loving plan, they begin to understand that setbacks aren’t the end of the story.
3. Gratitude is a Powerful Antidote to Disappointment
When kids learn to focus on what they’re thankful for, even in tough moments, it shifts their perspective from what they’ve lost to what they still have.
You can encourage kids to keep a “Thankful Journal” where they write down things they’re grateful for each week. This tool can be especially helpful during emotional challenges, inspiring kids to look for blessings even in moments of frustration.
4. Teach Kids to Rely on Prayer
Prayer is a vital tool for helping children process disappointment. When kids learn to bring their struggles to God, they begin to see Him as their source of comfort and strength.
Encourage children to pray honestly about their feelings. Teach them that it’s okay to say, “God, I’m upset that I didn’t win today, but I know You’re still with me.” This practice helps kids connect their emotions to their faith, showing them that God cares about every detail of their lives.
Helping kids become emotionally flexible not only prepares them to handle disappointment but also equips them to trust God more deeply in times of uncertainty.
Trusting God in Disappointment
Ultimately, helping kids handle disappointment is about teaching them to trust God. Proverbs 3:5-6 reminds us:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."
When kids learn to surrender their disappointments to God, they discover that His plans are always good, even when life doesn’t feel fair. As ministry leaders, we have the privilege of modeling this trust and helping kids see that God’s faithfulness never fails.
Disappointment doesn’t have to be a negative experience. When approached with faith, it becomes an opportunity to teach children gratitude, emotional flexibility, and trust in God’s plan. We, as leaders, play a crucial role in helping kids navigate these moments, equipping them with tools to grow emotionally and spiritually.
For more practical tools to help children handle emotions like disappointment, anger, and anxiety, visit biblicalparenting.org/emotions. You’ll find valuable resources, including the FREE eBook: Equipping Children to Self-Regulate Emotions by Dr. Scott Turansky.
Together, we can raise children who are resilient, faith-filled, and prepared for life’s challenges.
Dr. Scott Turansky is a professor at Concordia University where he teaches parenting to Masters Level students getting a Family Life Education Degree. He also heads up the National Center for Biblical Parenting where he has trained over 500 parent coaches. He’s co-authored 15 books on parenting and teaches globally about a heart-based approach to parenting. He and his wife Carrie have 5 children and 12 grandchildren and live in New Jersey. He has been a pastor for over 40 years and enjoys taking Biblical teaching and applying it to the family. You can learn more at biblicalparenting.org.
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