A while back, my wife and I were looking for something fun to do on a date night, so we ended up at an axe-throwing… place. What do you call them, anyway? A range? An alley? An arena? I really have no clue. Anyway, if you’ve never been to an axe-throwing sportatorium, it’s just like darts, only with an axe.

After the axe worker person gave us the basic how-to and safety spiel, he turned us loose. And we were bad! We couldn’t even get the axe to stick into the board! Thankfully, the axe man took some time to teach us both how to throw an axe. The thing is, we each needed different coaching. What worked for my wife didn’t work for me, and vice versa.

I share this story as a parable for coaching our parents on how to disciple their kids. While some family discipleship aspects might be one-size-fits-all, if we want to help our parents really flourish in family discipleship, that will take one-on-one coaching. What works for one family might not work for another.

Now, this will take a significant investment in time and resources. But if we truly believe that God has called parents to be the primary disciplers of their kids, it’s well worth it. This is an investment that can bear more fruit than anything else we do. And that’s not hyperbole! So, what does this look like?

The Who

First, determine who is going to be the coach or coaches. That might be you as the kidmin leader, someone on your team, or a staff colleague. It could even be a parent. Find someone who is available, has a heart for family discipleship, has the temperament of an encourager and a coach, and, ideally, has been there. That doesn’t mean they need to be an expert—sometimes we can coach best from our failures—but if they have experience in family discipleship, that will go a long way.

The What

When it comes to what the coaching sessions will look like, I suggest a one-year coaching practicum where the coach and parents meet once a month. In time, this could be a special opportunity for first-time parents in your church and for new families who join your church, but at first, you’d open this up to all your families. Depending on your view of child dedications, this could be part of that process. Imagine the encouragement it would be to share with your church family that the parents of the children you are dedicating have all completed a one-year family discipleship coaching practicum. That’s making it weighty!

At each coaching time, review how the parent is doing in family discipleship, cover the new content, being sure to share helpful resources, and wrap up with a few standard questions, such as:

• Thinking about what we covered, what do you agree with? Disagree with?
• What concerns or frustrations do you have?
• What scares you? What excites you?
• How can we help you more?

After the practicum is finished, schedule a six-month follow-up to touch base once again. Here’s a suggested blueprint for each month’s one-on-one coaching session:

Month 1: Relationship Building and Overview

Get to know one another and provide an overview of what you will be covering. Affirm that the parent is entering a safe space where you each will be honest, and any question and concern is welcome. Encourage the parent to focus on building a relationship with their child.

Month 2: Why Family Discipleship

Walk through the biblical case for family discipleship. Hit on the key passages in Scripture (e.g., Deut. 6; Ps. 78; Eph. 6), being sure to emphasize God’s heart for family discipleship. Position this less as what parents must do and more as what parents get to do. Convey the blessing it is for a parent to point their child to Jesus. Encourage the parent to prioritize their own spiritual growth.

Month 3: The Goal of Family Discipleship

Clarify the goal of family discipleship. It’s not just a kid learning about Jesus. It’s not even just a kid trusting in Jesus and loving Jesus. It’s all those things and a kid living like Jesus. Our goal is to make Christ followers, not just Christ knowers. Encourage the parent to look for ways their kid looks like Jesus and to praise it when it is seen.

Month 4: The Church and Home Partnership

Explain how the church and home ideally should work together to disciple a child, being sure to clarify that the home is the center, with the church supporting it. Encourage the parent to consider their involvement in both arenas.

Month 5: Ages and Stages

Provide an overview of the different ages and stages of childhood that the parent will experience, being sure to connect each to what the child is capable of knowing and doing, and how to disciple in age-appropriate ways. Encourage the parent to learn more about where their child is.

Month 6: How to Share the Gospel

Teach the parent how to share the gospel with a child, being sure to offer tips for sharing with children of different ages. Encourage the parent to share the gospel with their child.

Month 7: Baptism and the Lord’s Supper

Talk about what baptism and the Lord’s Supper are, the church’s beliefs concerning both, and how the parent can explain each in the home. Be sure to share the process of being baptized in the church. Encourage the parent to talk about baptism and the Lord’s Supper with their child.

Month 8: Family Prayer

Give tips and strategies for how to pray as a family. Convey to the parent that this is the best place to begin the journey of family discipleship. Encourage the parent to begin praying with their child on a regular basis.

Month 9: Family Worship

Give tips and strategies for how to have a regular time of family worship (devotions). Encourage the parent to have a five-minute family devotion once a week.

Month 10: Family Conversations

Explain how the sweet spot of family discipleship is the as-you-are-going conversations with a child. Give tips on how to weave faith into everyday living. Encourage the parent to have at least one spontaneous conversation about Jesus each week.

Month 11: Family Missions

Cast vision for how a family can serve Christ together on mission—locally, nationally, and internationally. Encourage the parent to do one missional activity in the next month.

Month 12: Difficult Conversations and Questions

Provide tips and guidance for how to have difficult conversations and how to respond to the challenging questions a child might ask. Encourage the parent to let their child know that any question or concern they have about Christianity is welcome.

Will this take a lot of work to get set up and manage? Without a doubt. But imagine what can happen in our homes, churches, and communities if we help our parents become the generation that gets family discipleship right.

Brian Dembowczyk (PhD, Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary) is the associate publisher at Thomas Nelson Bibles. He previously served as managing editor of The Gospel Project and in full-time ministry. He is the author of Faith Foundations (IVP), Family Discipleship that Works (IVP), and Gospel Centered Kids Ministry (B&H).