“Hey, I’ve got a kid in my class, and…I’ve tried everything I usually do…and…it’s not working.”

If I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard this, I could afford to install a Chick-fil-A in our church lobby. Whether it’s a seasoned volunteer or a fellow Kids Pastor, the most consistent question I get is some version of this cry for help. And let’s be honest…it’s a relatable one.

We all entered ministry hoping to share the love of Jesus with wide-eyed children ready to soak up truth like sponges. But somewhere between snack time and the closing prayer, chaos sometimes erupts. And in those moments, even the most faithful leaders feel stuck.

So, what do we do when our go-to moves fall flat? When the kid in the corner won’t stop throwing blocks, or the preschooler suddenly believes they’re the class DJ (featuring only screaming)?

Let’s talk tools.

The World Has Changed…And So Have Kids

If you grew up in a generation where “because I said so” was considered a full sentence, you’re not alone. We were conditioned to respond to adult authority without much question. But today’s kids live in a different world. They’re growing up with TikTok loops, tighter attention spans, and significantly more access to adult-sized problems.

Some are navigating neurodiversity without a diagnosis. Others carry trauma we can’t see. And all of them are learning how to be human in a culture that often rewards instant gratification and punishes boredom.

That’s why we can’t just wing it anymore. We need intentional strategies rooted in compassion, consistency, and clarity. And we need to train every volunteer, not just the “behavior experts,” to respond with grace and confidence.

Enter: the Toolkit.

The Basic Behavior Toolkit

These are the core tools we train every Mercy Kids volunteer to use. Most of them come from trauma-competent caregiving principles, and spoiler alert—they’re just as powerful in a church classroom as they are in a therapeutic setting.

1. The Safety Script

If a child is a risk to themselves or others, clarity is kindness. Use this script:

“This is a safe place. I won’t let anyone hurt you, and I can’t let you hurt anyone else. Because this is a safe place.”

Say it slowly. Calmly. Repeat it if necessary. It’s not punitive…it’s protective.

2. Positive Guidance Statements

Stop saying what not to do. Start saying what to do.

❌ “Don’t run!”
✅ “Please use walking feet.”

❌ “Stop hitting!”
✅ “Use gentle hands.”

These statements teach expectations instead of just correcting behavior. Bonus: they feel like coaching, not scolding.

3. Visual Schedules

Every room in our ministry has a visual schedule posted, and here’s why: predictability reduces anxiety. Kids feel safer when they know what’s coming next. (Honestly, so do adults. That’s why planners exist.)

Even if they can’t read, they can see identifiable images: “Snack, Play, Story, Craft.” Suddenly, transitions feel a lot less scary.

4. Re-Dos

Mess up? Try again.

A “re-do” isn’t a punishment…it’s a do-over with grace. Invite them to walk back into the room the right way. To hand over the toy using kind words. To show they can fix it.

Kids want to succeed. Give them the chance to prove it.

5. Two Right Choices

If you’ve hit the resistance wall, offer a choice that lets them share control.

“Would you like to sit on the rug or the chair?”
“Would you like to come now or in one minute?”
“Do you want to high-five or wave goodbye?”

This approach keeps the power dynamic balanced. It tells kids: “You still have agency. But we’re staying within safe, healthy boundaries.”

What NOT to Do (and When to Ask for Help)

• Never isolate a child by removing them from the group as a form of punishment.
• Never use physical punishment (including grabbing or yanking).
• Never escalate your tone to match theirs.

If you’ve exhausted the basics and a child is still melting down or putting others at risk, don’t muscle through. Use your room radio or hallway communicator to call in a staff member or service leader.

And when talking to parents, keep the tone focused on their child’s spiritual experience:

“We want every child to experience Jesus, and we noticed Johnny was having a hard time in group today. Are there any tips that work well at home we could try next time?”

Compassion + curiosity go a long way.

Why This Matters

Responding to behavior isn’t about control, it’s about connection. And connection is what softens hearts to the message of the Gospel.

The goal isn’t perfect behavior. It’s a safe, sacred space where every child, no matter their wiring or story, gets a chance to experience the love of Jesus.

So, the next time you’re faced with a moment where your typical playbook fails…take a breath. Then reach for your toolkit.

And if all else fails…there’s always Goldfish and prayer.

Anthony Hunt is a Kids Pastor, ministry systems nerd, and author of The AI-Powered Church. He serves as the NextGen Pastor at Mercy Road Church in Indiana, where he leads a thriving multi-church team of staff and volunteers across kids, student, and young adult ministries. Known for his humor, practical tools, and deep love for equipping the Church, Anthony brings over a decade of experience to the ever-evolving world of children’s ministry. When he’s not creating training content or testing out new ministry ideas, you’ll find him chasing his six kids, learning to play ice hockey, or building LEGO with his dog underfoot.