If you serve in children’s ministry, you’ve likely heard the stories from parents. The ones about bedtime battles, homework hassles, screen time struggles—the constant back-and-forth that drains energy and strains relationships. One of the most common themes? Arguing.

Arguing wears down even the most committed parents. It turns everyday moments into battles of will, pitting parent against child in a contest no one wins. But what if we, as ministry leaders, could equip parents with a biblical, heart-based approach to handle these conflicts—not just to stop the arguing, but to build character and cooperation?

Why Arguing Matters for Parent Discipleship

Arguing isn’t just about winning a battle of words. It’s a window into the heart. At its core, arguing reflects a child’s desire for control, their struggle with self-will, or a breakdown in understanding authority. When parents respond by escalating, the argument becomes a power struggle rather than a teaching opportunity.

The Bible speaks clearly to this dynamic. “Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels” (2 Timothy 2:23). “Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be just like him” (Proverbs 26:4).

Parents often need a reminder that it takes two to argue, but only one to stop. When they shift their response from reactive to intentional, they move from enforcing behavior to training the heart.

A Heart-Based Approach: Not Just Stopping the Arguing

In children’s ministry, we’re uniquely positioned to champion a heart-based approach to parenting—one that resonates deeply with biblical values. Instead of offering parents surface-level solutions (“Just set firmer rules” or “Enforce stricter consequences”), we can guide them toward training the heart, focusing on the deeper motivations behind a child’s behavior.

When parents learn to view arguing as a symptom of a deeper issue, they start asking better questions:

• What’s going on in my child’s heart?
• How can I train them to respond differently?
• What character qualities do I want to build through this moment?

This shift transforms discipline from behavior management to heart discipleship.

Practical Tools to Share with Parents

Here are a few heart-based tools you can equip your church families with—tools that change the conversation from “Stop arguing!” to “Here’s how we grow.”

1. Teach Replacement Responses
Instead of focusing solely on stopping the argument, encourage parents to train their children in alternative, respectful responses.

• When a child hears “No,” train them to say, “I’m disappointed, but I’ll be okay.”
• When a child is asked to do something they don’t want to do, train them to say, “Okay, Mom (or Dad),” and follow through.
• When a child is corrected, train them to respond with, “What did I do wrong?” rather than arguing or denying.

These simple but powerful scripts don’t just change behavior—they build internal character.

2. Model Calm and Confidence
Remind parents that their emotional posture sets the tone. Staying calm, speaking gently, and refusing to escalate can de-escalate the situation and demonstrate maturity. As Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

3. Connect Discipline to the Heart
Discipline moments are opportunities for discipleship. Encourage parents to talk about why the issue matters—respect, cooperation, responsibility—not just what went wrong. Use Scripture to frame these conversations, helping children understand the connection between obedience and their relationship with God.

4. Build Routines that Reduce Arguments
Share practical strategies for creating predictable routines—around chores, homework, and screen time—that minimize surprises and reduce resistance. When children know what to expect, they’re less likely to argue.

5. Celebrate Heart Progress
Encourage parents to affirm effort, growth, and heart-based choices. Instead of just saying, “Good job,” they can say, “I noticed you handled that with a lot of maturity. I’m proud of your choice.”

How Churches Can Equip Parents

As a children’s ministry leader, you can play a pivotal role in helping parents implement these heart-based tools. Here’s how:

• Host a Parenting Workshop or Small Group: Use a session on arguing as a launchpad for deeper conversations about heart-based parenting. Offer practical handouts with replacement responses and Scriptures that parents can apply at home.
• Create a Parent Discipleship Series: Build a multi-week series that covers common parenting challenges—arguing, screen time, sibling rivalry, and more—all grounded in biblical principles.
• Integrate Parenting Tips into Sunday School or Family Events: Even a short “parent tip of the week” can introduce these concepts and spark curiosity.
• Provide Resources and Coaching: Offer books, articles, or coaching conversations that reinforce the heart-based approach and provide ongoing support.

A Vision for Heart-Based Discipleship

When we, as church leaders, invest in equipping parents, we’re not just helping them survive the challenges of parenting—we’re building a foundation for the next generation of faith-filled families.

Arguing isn’t just a behavior to stop. It’s a signal—a reminder to slow down, look deeper, and train the heart. Let’s be the church that helps parents move from reacting to discipling, from power struggles to heart transformation.

Let’s stop the arguing—and start the training. Feel free to pass this article on to your parents!

Dr. Scott Turansky heads up the National Center for Biblical Parenting. He’s written 17 books on the family and trains Biblical Parenting Coaches just like you. His website is biblicalparenting.org.